Insecurity is the Death of Attraction.

A word from the wise; if you're in a relationship and you decide to embark on this particular flavour of personal improvement, best keep it to yourself. My relatively long term relationship ended recently and it wasn't because my cock was too small, it was (in part) because I didn't keep this mildly neurotic bullshit on the down-low where it belonged.

What was I thinking being open and honest about my insecurities to someone I loved? You live and learn.

As you were.

Preliminary conclusion.

I've not been posting recently, but I have been doing the exercises (although not with the same intensity that I started out).

I'll keep this brief (ish);  If you're willing to dedicate say thirty minutes a day and you're prepared to take the risks then the techniques I've learnt here work, I'm sure of it.  I'm not sure if it's just fulfilling your potential or actually increasing it by stretching tissue, but there are gains to be made.

Results.

So I believe I've been making progress, that's good, but I wanted to put it to the test.  I've mentioned before that I've had no problem in the bedroom and for the most part that's true, but recently little things have been putting me off my game. A problem with the ambience, the threat of being discovered, little things like this are proving a distraction enough for my partner that I lose some wood----now not enough to stop me from performing, but enough that to bother me.

As a treat I picked up some Viagra clone under a weird different name. I knew the source and---while not a pharmacist---I trusted it.  I took 200mg (a double dose) and waited. This was no secret, I'd told my partner already. We were both very tired, but it'd been nearly a week since we'd last had sex.  The distractions happened again but it didn't matter this time, the slightest stimulation gave me an absolutely raging hard on.

In a nutshell, we had probably the roughest sex in terms of sheer pelvic thrusting that I can remember. It was fantastic; despite assuring me she very much enjoyed it, she did get a touch hurt (nothing serious) and that took a bit of the fun away, I don't like hurting the person I love, physically or mentally.

I've never really had to worry about hurting my partner in that way before and I have done the whole viagra for a treat thing previously. I can only assume things are changing. Truth be told, if the price I have to pay for hand moulding my cock into something bigger than it was involves gentler sex, I can totally live with that.

Day X.

Things are going to plan so far; although I have to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone who's been following this routine with me, "Sorry I keep changing it."  But this is pretty frontier stuff for me and I set out knowing very little and now I know a lot less. The penis is such a complex organ (I wish I hadn't been on Wikipedia and checked out all those anatomical drawings).  A part of me feels bad for subjecting my organ (and that's what it is) to such barbaric rituals in the hope it'll get bigger.

I did, however, do some measurements. It's difficult for me to maintain a rock solid erection when I'm scrabbling around with a tape measure, so I took to pressing it against my belly, making a mark and then measuring from root upward.  Now the good news, I measured in at 6.9-7.0 inches. There's been no girth gains, circumference sticking at 5in uniformly from root to tip, but when sufficiently aroused, it's a very, very firm five inches.

Too good to be true? As you can imagine, I'm very pleased, but part of me realises something (and it isn't the part you think it is).  If it were this easy to gain so much in a month or so, why aren't we all doing it? I imagine there has been some actual gains, perhaps 0.2in at the most, but the majority will have come from my greatly increased erection quality and the little bit of weight I lost recently.

I'll also add that, when at full erection I seem to be sporting a very mild left deviation. This isn't something I've noticed in all my twenty something years so I imagine it's to do with the stretching. It bothers me a little, so learn from my mild mistake, an symmetrical grip is important for all exercises (unless of course you want to correct a deviation you were born with).

Back on track.

So I've started again with the JP-90 routine mentioned in the previous post. I doubt very much that my previous work has been wasted time, because I've almost certainly got some benefits out of it, just perhaps not as much as if I can been working with a better technique.  This is a great sign because generally, you're not expected to get noticeable gains for several months.

My only explanation for this is the massaging, exercising, stretching has given me a generally greater blood flow and as such better penile health. The result is better quality erections and, more fulfilment of my potential.

What I will say is that, using the new technique, it feels a lot more dangerous. At one point yesterday I felt a twinge, like I'd strained some internal structure a bit too much. The pain went away immediately an ache lasted for a few hours and other than that sign, I've had no discomfort, no problem getting wood and no discolouration.  I have decided to take a day or two off the routine though, to give whatever bit I may have damaged the opportunity to heal.

Don't forget, lay into the Vitamin C if you find yourself in a similar position, it's crucial for the healing process.

Re-Evaluation.

So as an update to my previous concerns, it just so happens that I haven't been doing the jelq properly. It's all about quality, not quantity and according to some I'm pretty lucky not to have done myself an injury. This is pretty annoying as it feels that I've lost nearly a month worth of exercise time.  There's been some changes, but I imagine that's mostly from the stretching exercises and not the jelqs.

The solitary fitness book I'm basing my routine off, although a good starting point, might be a little hardcore. As Bronson (the author) said, and I paraphrase, 'He's a bit of a nutter' so it makes sense that the routines he describes are intense.

So, I enlisted some help from the PE Gym forums and someone was kind enough to confirm my worst fears. I'm not doing it properly.  They suggested that I take up what's known as the JP-90 routine, which is designed to get people with no experience to a good level of conditioning within three months. I plan to rest a little, the pick up a fresh with the JP-90 routine.

Day 18

Supplements:

• Vitamin C tablet, 1000mg.

Exercises:

• 5 minutes of jelq

I've been doing a little more research and I believe that my technique is a little wrong with the old jelq. I mean, in theory what I need is to be able to feel the pressure build. Like most stretching exercises with any muscle group, the closer you get to your limit the more uncomfortable it becomes. The trick is to ride that wave, so that it remains uncomfortable over a period of time, but your range of motion improves.  

Of course push it too far and you'll experience a twang. That's not something I want, so I've raised the intensity and lowered the period of time I do the exercise for.

I haven't done any measurements myself and won't until day thirty or so of training, but I'm fair convinced this does work. It's just very time consuming.

Day 17

Supplements:

• Vitamin C tablet, 1000mg.

Exercises:

• 3 x 60 second stretches
• 10 mins of  jelqs 
• 3 x 60 second stretches

All the same, pretty much. I plan to take both the Saturday and the Sunday off in order to give myself a moment to, uh, recover. 

Day 16

Supplements:

• Vitamin C tablet, 1000mg.

Exercises:

• 3 x 60 second stretches
• 10 mins of  jelqs 
• 3 x 60 second stretches

Things are fine in general, despite a slight ache near the base, so far so good. I'm still experiencing all of what I mentioned before and also (if I haven't mentioned it already) much better erection quality. But that's not what I want to talk about today.

I've been reading this book, Getting off: Pornography and the end of Masculinity by Robert Jensen. It was an Amazon suggestion when I was buying Smile or Die by Barbara Ehrenreich. The book is about a journalist turned professor, who (although he'd probably pick fault with this generalisation) a feminist.

I've always thought that our society is pretty progressive in terms of gender equality. We've had in Britain at least, a female Prime Minister, there's no obvious gender inequality in most professional vocations that I've heard about (with the exception of big business, banking, glass ceiling, etc). Women can be doctors, surgeons, pilots, anything.

I looked around and saw equality, so the few self proclaimed feminists I have met painted a poor picture for me. Scoffing at a man holding a door open or generally being a gentleman smacks to me of chauvinism. 

I'll give you an example. A few years ago when visiting a friend in another city, four of us were getting ready for a night on the tiles. They were both feminists and both were already ready.

Now, I've got really curly hair. It doesn't suit me if I wear it long and I don't like it when it's very short. Through some drunken antics during my university days, I found out my hair looked pretty damn awesome when it was straightened using tongs.  Hooked on the look, I've had this guilty, electronic, ceramic plated secret for a while now. Perhaps I'll grow out of it, perhaps I'll go bald.

Upon my starting to straighten my hair, one of the girls says, paraphrased, "Haha, you fag! You're straightening your hair!" 

I was furious and thankfully, eloquent. Instantly I replied, in a voice that could easily have been described as raised. It just seemed to come to me, a moment in utter indignation condensed into a few words. If it'd been anyone else, I may have just chuckled it off, but...

"You can't go around, calling yourself a fucking feminist only to and reinforce gender fucking stereotypes!"

She didn't have a reply to that and after a few uneasy moments, but the night went on and things were fine. What wasn't fine however was my view at the time was, that feminists were free  and equal women who, indignant themselves about centuries, perhaps millennia of repression for their gender, aspired for the balance of power to tip in their direction, as opposed to level out.

This book has given me a different perspective. The main focus seems to be masculinity and pornography and how the two interact. What is it the be a man and how masculine traits and the abuse of women are popular themes in the pornography of today.

If you're wondering what this has to do with the size of my cock, it's simple. I'm just as curious as to why I'm exploring this odd routine of exercises in terms of my motivation as I am to see if it actually works. And hey, if it doesn't work, intellectualising away the obsession might be healthy.

Day 15

Supplements:

• Vitamin C tablet, 1000mg.

Exercises:

• 3 x 60 second stretches
• 10 mins of  jelqs 
• 3 x 60 second stretches

Now before you start, I know I've not put the figure in. I've been doing some reading on these PE sites and I think my technique has been wrong. Apparently it should take five seconds for your grip to move from root to head and I've been doing it a whole lot faster than that. I understand that with speed comes injury, so to compensate I've been keeping a relatively light grip.  Apparently this was not the correct way.

It takes much longer to do it the proper way. If I spent five seconds and wanted to do 600, well, that's... fifty minutes of jelqing. That seems like too much time to be spending on self improvement that may or may not yield results.

As an aside, I also found this weird and wonderful (heavily scripted) website for you to compare yourself, visually, to the average as well as well known porn stars.  There's a reason why Ron Jeremy is a household name and when you use the comparison feature, you'll know why.

Day 14

Supplements:

• Vitamin C tablet, 1000mg.

Exercises:

• 3 x 60 second stretches
• 600 jelqs 
• 3 x 60 second stretches

I've got back into the swing of things today and I dare say I'm not feeling as pessimistic about the future as I was yesterday. Keeping things more on topic, however, I've been doing some research into the various online forums that people who are.... into this type of thing reside.  It's a pretty colourful world that I'm sure people are curious about.

The two articles I want to do are going to be a general introduction into the sub-culture, including slang terms, acronyms and what have you along with a second, more critical piece which compares the attitudes between a few different communities.  

They'll be posted here when I get them done. No deadline.